Your sock’s on the wood floor the moment I’d hoped for I’m terrified to think you might be real I curl up behind you fit my body to yours like a shell I smell your hair, oh love, I can’t believe you I squeeze you to make sure you’re really here and I’m overwhelmed [ I’ve been waiting for so long To touch you and sleep in your eyes and now as my heart’s beating so hard I hold on and keep you at home in my arms They tried to console me but you’re all the consolation I ever needed years of smelling the clothes you left behind The photographs that seemed so far away I don’t need them now you turn to me alive, awake, and blinking, baby “Back so soon?” you ask, but I smile ‘cause I never left at all I’ve been waiting for so long To touch you and sleep in your eyes and now as my heart’s beating so hard I hold on and keep you at home in my arms You check the clock, it’s time to go You grab your keys and you’re out the door I step outside and you’re waving goodbye It’s all happening again like before as you’re starting the car and I’m tearing inside I knock on your window, you stop just in time Around to the other side I say, “Baby, I thought I’d come along for the ride.” I’ve been waiting for so long (Time slows, and I take your hand) to touch you and sleep in your eyes (I hold you as we lose control) Together our hearts beating so hard Hold on, baby, we’re almost home
"What happened to teenagers kissing, instead of blogging and dissing? What happened to teenagers marching and refusing, instead of exploiting and using? I want to touch you in real time, not find you on youtube. I want to walk next to you in the mountains, not friend you on facebook."
Pretty well said. (I know I’m guilty but, I feel like this is so true on so many levels) When I gave up facebook for a couple months, it made me realize how beautiful life was without the distraction of being updated on other peoples lifes. I remember always being jealous and self conscious because of all the ‘“pretty girls”. I want someone to be present with me and appreciate life, just watching a sunset or taking a walk. That’s probably too much to ask nowadays…
It’s so strange to see my mom getting ready for date… I feel like the mom in this situation. She’s asking me what she should wear and where she should go out to dinner. So awkward. Well, at least she’s happy. Me on the other hand… I’m not so sure. I’m just trying to remain calm. I hate how I get butterflies every single time I get ready to see him because I doubt he feels the same way. “I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you’d feel it too” comes into my mind (like I said before, definitely the song of the week). No matter what I do, his mind is set. I just have to deal with it… too bad it’s going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I think I’m officially losing it. My stomach hurts, what a surprise. My neighbors are having a party and someone is yelling really loudly… I wish they would stop. It makes me think of things I’m trying to avoid at this point in time. Did you know crocodiles can go two whole years without eating anything? I’m extremely jealous. I think baby crocodiles are really cute. I hate how my medicine makes my heart beat slow down. I hate how when I take more I feel numb, like it’s all a dream. But then again, I like how it blocks out the overwhelming feelings all throughout my body. I hate how I know that it is still reality. I wish that I could accomplish inception and make him want me still. Bahahahah now I KNOW I’m going crazy. I’m watching jersey shore right now and I’m starting to dislike Ronnie. I want tattoos; I’m jealous of the people who can get them. I want to get the line “Warm sunsets smothered with sun. Were our hearts just harvesting love?” It’s my little sisters birthday on Friday and I feel like shit because we have no money to get her something really special. She’s the only person I can ever rely on. I just saw a commercial for teen mom… if that ever happened to me I would move to the middle of nowhere and cut off all ties with everything. I hate how I work out and still look like crap (I wish I had Sammi’s body). I wish I could have some drinks right now and forget. I’m hungry but I’m going to be a crocodile. I wish he loved me as much as I loved him but he doesnt and never will. It’s alright because I like the way it hurts. Ewh, I hate being emotional. I’m too emotional. I hate this. I want to be done but I know that I will never ever be done. I want my old phone back, I miss having keys. I miss feeling wanted, I miss having sleepovers with my best friend, I miss having control, I miss being able to be happy, I miss watching late night music videos, I miss my old house, I miss my kitten, I miss listening to red jumpsuit apparatus, I miss walking everywhere, I miss so many things. What the hell, I need sleep. Too bad I can never sleep anymore. Oh well, it’s time to block the whole world out and watch a late night movie…or go for a drive. I can’t decide which sounds better.
“Fuck life. Fuck routine. Fuck not giving a shit about anything. Fuck being stuck in the same place. Fuck feeling like you’re wasting your life. Fuck feeling inadequate. Fuck being this young and feeling like you’ve already shriveled and died. Fuck the emptiness that holds over you. Fuck anger. Fuck bitterness. Fuck not being numb enough. Fuck this song that’s stuck in my head. Fuck self-loathing. Fuck feelings. Fuck reasons. Fuck not making any sense.” Thank you, Tess. You helped me find a quote that actually expresses my feelings toward everything right now.